I have never said this before but I honestly am quite scared to use Korean with someone unless I am absolutely comfortable.
I think the main reason why is that once people find out that I studied Korean, they automatically label me and I'm not too fond of the labels usually.
I have had Koreans who I wanted to be friends with, stop talking to me when they find my channel because they see all the Kpop and assume I'm only trying to be friends with them because they're Korean (which, if you know me, is not true)...
"Koreaboo"
"Wannabe Korean"
"Asian Fetish"
"Try Hard"
"Mayo" (honestly I laugh more at this one)
Those are all words, and phrases that people will associate with me when they see my Instagram or YouTube channel, or when they find out that I studied Korean for a while now...
Like (in the words of one of my good good friends) BRRAAAHHHHH
lol
I can't help but shake that scared feeling when it comes to using Korean, and I'm honestly trying to get over that fear of being judged but again... it takes time and support...
I understand how some of my friends have felt when they first started learning English and when they would only speak to me in Korean because
In terms of colour, it was just what I had wanted when I initially ordered the lenses. The colour is a nice ice/grey blue and it is not too prominent (so I don't like all Alien-like lol). The lenses diameter is a bit larger than a normal pupil (which is around 13mm/14mm), but it is very natural-looking overall.
Photo from uniqso.com
For the design, it is more of a "starburst" design, so the inside of the lens is the light grey/ice blue, then the outside is a dark ring to make it noticeable. It has a more natural design I think, due to the fact that naturally my pupils are a bit darker around the edges.
Lenses in darker lighting
As for overall, my eye colour is hazel (so some shades of green mixed with brown), and the lenses showed up really well. In darker lighting the lenses are more of a grey tone, but when there is sunlight they are more blue. In photos I feel like they don't give the lenses justice, because they look more grey in photos however in person they are a very natural blue.
I would give the design and colour aspect of these lenses a 10/10. They are natural and beautiful at the same time.
Comfort Level
In regards to comfort, I wore these lenses for 8 hours today and I did not even feel them... It literally felt like I was wearing just regular prescription contacts, and I loved that.
Lenses in outdoor lighting
Previous lenses I had purchased I could only wear for about 4-5 hours, however the water content in these lenses is 40% so they were very comfortable.
I would give these lenses a 10/10 for comfort level.
Price
These lenses were actually on sale! Uniqso has this huuggee sale happening right now so for the lenses they are $17.69 CAD, and with the lenses they include a cute contact case as well.
Box for Lenses and Contact Case
I used DHL Express Shipping because I ordered these lenses specifically for Toronto Kpop Con so I only had a week before I needed them. But in total, my order was about $23 with the shipping included.
For price these lenses definitely get 10/10
Shipping & Customer Service
I have to say.... Uniqso is the best for customer service.... Previously when I ordered my lenses, I would just order them then wait for them to arrive. BUT Uniqso and DHL Express literally updated me every step of the shipping process!
Definitely the best shipping & customer service experience I had with lenses. I would give it a 10/10
Overall
These lenses get a 10/10 from me and I highly recommend you purchase them if you are thinking about getting circle lenses in the future 😄
There are times when it seems as if the entire world is against you, and no matter what you do... you can't do it well.
The past few weeks... no the past year it seems as if no matter what I did, I would inevitably fail.
That thought constantly crossed my mind, and made me want to give everything up, and run away.
I keep telling myself that I'll do better, that I'll study harder, that I just didn't give it my all. Bullshit.
I'm not someone who swears but even I know now how stupid I was.
I know I gave it my all because if I didn't, the result wouldn't effect my mindset as much.
I studied not only the night before, but the week before. I asked questions in class, I wrote everything down I deemed important.
When the exams and assignments came, I did them confidently and was sure of my answers. Believing I had gotten at least an A on everything.
When the exams were handed back, the marks released, I fell into the fetal position and cried for hours on end. I didn't even get a 50%.
I know for a fact I've gained valuable skills since moving away from home, but all the skills I've gained are not through academics. I've gained connections and worthwhile relationships. I've also unfortunately gained chronic depression which makes me not want to leave my room for months on end.
You'd think someone who seems as smiley as me, would not struggle with depression but it happens.
Sometimes the saddest people are the ones who constantly show a smile.
I just need a break. I need a break so I can think about where I went wrong. I need a break so I can improve myself mentally. I need a break so I can fix myself. I need a break from everything.
One thing that constantly brings me happiness is youtube, whether it is uploading videos, interacting with subscribers, or even seeing my like and subscriber count grow. I even gain happiness just from watching youtube videos, its what has helped me stay sane in the years I've been at University.
Uploading a single video, then days later reading all the positive comments and seeing all the likes, it makes me feel that for once what I'm doing is worthwhile, and that my hard work is paying off finally.
I get the hate comments every once in a while, and those hurt. A lot. Especially on my instagram where sometimes they will repost my photo and people will just insult me in the comments below. Hate is inevitable while trying to grow a fanbase. Not everyone will like you, not everyone will want to be your friend, and I've come to terms with that.
What I cannot seem to become friendly with though is my depression. It keeps eating me alive, killing my confidence and making me want to run away constantly. It's the fight or flight scenario. But in academics you can't fight and that's the problem. What will I say if I fight my grades quoting my misunderstanding of my professor's English because they are not fluent? I'll just be ignoring the fact that they have a degree in the field, they are qualified to teach, just their language skills may not be the best. Will I say that what I wrote is correct, and I should be given the marks? How will I prove that? The professor is the one who deems your work's success, they're the ones who hold the key to you passing the entire class.
I literally struggled one entire course, trying to figure out my professor, especially when he would start speaking in mandarin because he didn't know how to say something in English. When I handed in an essay, it was 0.25 pages short, and he told me he would not mark the essay and that it showed how I did not pay attention in his class. He even questioned my attendance because of my signature on the attendance sheet... yes my signature sometimes will get a bit messy if I am in a rush... but to lose 15% of my final grade due to his questioning is not worth my time.
I always tell first years, just keep trying and if you don't do well first year that is okay because you have all the other years to catch up. I entirely believed it too, but if the reasoning behind the bad grades is that one is unable to reach the level of academic excellence that is required, then maybe one should rethink their options.
I went from aiming for 100% in high school, to being thankful for a 60% in University. I go to one of the top Universities in the World and I regret my choice entirely. I can only partially blame my high school for not caring about academics, and thus leading me to enter University on the level that some of my classmates were in middle school. I partially blame my University that prides itself on the amount of students that they flunk out within the years, the idea that one class professor actually told a class that only 2 students out of 100 would graduate, and only one of those students would graduate with honours. I also blame my professors who pride themselves on low averages for a class. I literally had one professor say that everyone did too well on the midterm and so the exam was much harder and almost everyone failed (including me). I had a friend who's midterm average for her class was 42% and the prof did not see anything wrong with the average and was proud that their work was challenging. I had a professor even cancel a class because they decided to go on a vacation, and while I was thankful to sleep in, they added extra work for us to do during that little vacation they had.
What is wrong with me with depression hits? I want to be left alone. I ignore friends, family, even business connections due to mental health reasons and by ignoring them I cannot get better.
My biggest dream right now is to go on a vacation and forget about everything, I just want to spend the time focusing on new experiences and learning, while enjoying myself. But to go on a vacation you must have money, and all my money (and all my parents money) is going towards a University education which I am sick and tired of. Right now I am travelling through my friends and through youtube videos, but that can only do so much. I've even made a promise to myself to save up what money I have from my birthday, christmas and other holidays in order to go. Sadly, the money I saved up on my birthday went to medicinal supplies for a hurt arm, and also towards groceries.
I've got to keep trying, but what I used to love, I now hate. I've got to figure things out again and not let depression get the best of me.
Below is a video and English lyrics to a song which fits me best now:
Song: Goodbye Sadness, Hello Happiness by Yoon Mi Rae
Performance by: Kim Myung Ju
English Translation:
And now it's over, love is over This must be where our memories end The words for this to be eternal, I so love you Everythings becoming faded in time now
Everything we did together in this world I'm sure our traces will all be erased as well Time that I was happy in, goodbye now Go on living in a place where there's no sadness
Goodbye sadness, be on your way, hide your tears Hello my happiness, you're here to stay, stay by my side One day in my life, in an awesome moment I'll probably long for our longing love then
Everything we did together in this world Take pictures of all the precious moments Time that I was happy in, goodbye now I'll cherish you forever inside my heart
Goodbye sadness, be on your way, hide your tears Hello my happiness, you're here to stay, stay by my side One day in my life, in an awesome moment I'll probably be able to take out our memories then
My memories, please don't leave me Without you I have no happiness
Goodbye sadness, be on your way, hide your tears Hello my happiness, you're here to stay, stay by my side One day in my life, in an awesome moment I'll probably be able to take out our love then
My obsession with Korean Beauty has been satisfied thanks to an amazing youtuber called Koreaboo Beauty!!! Let's get Sheetfaced y'all!!!
So this amazing lady sent me her Spring Box for free (FREE!!!) I met her at the Toronto Kpop Con and she asked if I would be interested in it and of course I said YES!!
She gives in-depth reviews of the Korean products too and her blog is soo useful when it comes to information about the beauty products!
In the Spring pack, I received a Toner, Cleanser, Tea Mask, Eyeliner, Eye Mask, and a Snail Mask! (I will be do separate entries reviewing the products after using them for a week or so) :P
I was not expecting to receive that much and I held myself back from actually looking at the products online so that it would be a surprise when I filmed my unboxing video (which I am in the middle of editing now!)
I definitely would not mind to receive her other boxes in the future, and I have been telling all my friends, susbcribers and followers on instagram about her because it is amazing what she does and the deal is the best one I have seen yet!
And guys.... She's so professional she has her own website... I mean I've had my blog for a while now and I don't use a custom URL or anything of that sort!
I have been using all the products (with the exception of the masks just because I am saving them) for almost a week now and my skin is feeling a lot smoother now!!!
So "ships" refers to 2 kpop celebrities that I want to date soo badly, and when I match 2 celebrities together it is referred to as "shipping"
So here is my Ultimate Ship!!!!
Song Ji Hyo and Kang Gary! (AKA Monday Couple!)
\
Okay who seriously doesn't love the chemistry between these two Running man members?? I mean honestly my day is made whenever they have a moment in a Running man episode!
There's even an episode where all the cast members are asked to pick between Ji hyo and a different female celebrity guest, and Gary goes to Ji hyo without hesitation!! How sweet!!
They were partnered up in a recent Running man episode and were asked to pick either Money or their partner, and if they both picked money they would win a huge prize. BUT! as cute as they are, they both picked each other and melted the hearts of all the fans!
Ji hyo is partnered with someone else on a Chinese version of We Got Married, but hey! No rules against shipping Monday couple still :D
I've been thinking a lot recently and a lot of it has to do with my self-confidence battle.
I have struggled to maintain my confidence for as long as I can remember, the earliest I can remember being insecure was when I had first gone through puberty in elementary school and started getting stares from the boys in my class.
The next time was when I had taken the grade 6 music class. I had been singing since I was 4 years old, and so I had the idea that I was a really good singer because I only received compliments in choir. I was practising a song for a test and then my good friend at the time decided to inform me that she was not a fan of my voice and didn't like my singing..... So I struggled a lot at that time because I had the idea in my head that I was a good singer, then her honesty made me realize I was too confident and so it was a big blow!
Then I take singing lessons starting grade 8 and at first I was so excited! The teacher promised to help raise my self-confidence which had been through a battle with bullies in middle school... but it actually made it a lot worse. I would spend my lessons pretending to march in a living room while singing a song, and the reason why was that she had wanted me to be comfortable on stage. I just got even more uncomfortable and was upset to see that despite taking lessons I hadn't improved.
In all honesty most of my self-confidence struggle has been a result of bullying throughout my middle and high school years. I mean... there's nothing I could have done about my situation at that time because I was doing everything in my power already.
Even now in high school I struggle constantly with my self-confidence, especially when it comes to singing. I say to myself that I've been singing for 16 years and so I should not worry about being judged on singing but then I notice that my singing doesn't get much attention compared to reactions and I'm left wondering about who wants to listen to my voice.
I had an old singing channel and all my old videos kept getting hate comments, and I would reply asking them to watch recent videos because they would comment hate on videos from 5 years ago.
I would upload new singing covers, and get at most only 4 views. It's a big blow to my confidence after working so hard year after year as a singer and nothing seems to be what the viewers are looking for.
I even jokingly sang the intro to one korean show I watch in the intro of a reaction video... Not being serious or anything because it was the first time I had been singing it and I also was trying to be quiet so my roommates didn't hear... but what comments did I get on that video? Stuff like "bad singer" "bad voice" "don't sing" I mean really? they took the time to comment on a video where I wasn't even being serious in my singing.... I deleted the comments and they didn't bother me as much.
What hurts my self-confidence the most is when I do upload a singing cover and it only receives at most 200 views. I'm extremely picky with covers and so I'll often avoid uploading them because I am worried about hate comments, so I'm 100 times more harsh on myself.
The self-confidence struggle I have is not something new, or something that is brought on by my kpop love. I mean, yea I do korean auditions and I know that my chances are slim to none in comparison to any other asian, but it's also allowed me to meet more people and more fans of my music so it's actually helped my self-confidence a lot.
What has been the biggest blow to my confidence is the fact that a couple years ago I would have been asked to do a performance every month, but now I get asked to perform every other month. Yet, I still practice singing and performing for a couple hours each day. I know my hard work will pay off in the end, but I'm questioning when the end will be? I hope its soon because I do feel like I am at the peak of my performing and singing life, and I wish to make the most out of it while I can.
So I do sing Korean songs, but they take me forever to know because of many reasons..
I don't want to butcher the Korean language or you know... accidentally swear....
And... You know I happen to actually have a low singing voice, so if I attempt to sing girl group songs it ends quite hilariously..
Another thing is that I usually begin learning a Korean song by listening to it in 0.5 or 0.75 speed... which distorts the song a fair bit... And I usually end up learning the chorus first so everything else sounds like a made up language until I practice enough...
Finally! When I have learned the whole song and am content with it, I record it! But there are some strange questions because I am white... and singing in Korean.... And then there are some strange reactions from Koreans and other people who know me....
But all in all, the process of learning a song is quite fun, and singing in a different language is extremely hard but I feel really happy when I sing in Korean. Granted sometimes at competitions I will spend my performance worrying about mispronouncing the lyrics, or not giving enough emotion in the song, but HEY! It pays off when it comes to karaoke!
Okay.. so mnet has this new series called Produce 101, where basically they take 101 female trainees and then tell 90% of them (note my percentage may be off since I don't have a calculator on hand) that they have to wait to debut!
then there's those 11 who are picked to form a group, but WAIT! It's only for a year! Literally after the year is up, that group will break up and the 11 trainees will go back to their companies to (most likely) train for another couple of years).
Those 11 trainees picked are also picked based on 1. Talent! and 2. Popularity!
They are picked based on online voting and through process of elimination, but then there are some trainees who people will argue "don't belong there"
Okay... let me just say... Produce 101 is looking for the next big girl group. If they were to pick a group of only good singers, good dancers, and good rappers, then okay they would be somewhat successful.
What makes a group popular is the likeability of each member! That is the most important thing after talent! (Even sometimes before talent)
If you had a trainee be like "I am the best, I will definitely beat all the other girls and debut", usually the reaction is "wow, she's so arrogant."
Then throw in the poor girl who was tricked by her company to join the program! (Kim Sohye)
Basically, she is an ACTRESS trainee, not an IDOL trainee, so before ya'll go bashing on her skills... note that she didn't study dance, or singing in any way before the competition!
Literally her lessons began when the cameras started rolling.
But, having a good attitude and not wanting to give up, Kim Sohye stays in the program despite her obvious disadvantage and shows drastic improvement and even wins the heart of the trainers (as proven when she succeeded in the Irony Practice and making the trainer cry because she was so hard working)
To all the people saying Kim Sohye doesn't deserve to be in the top 11.... WTH are you watching? I see a girl who drastically improved in such a small time, and is better than some trainees who've been training for years!
If she had been given the amount of training some of the others had received, then she most likely would be fighting for the first place.
Another example of how harsh produce 101 is... the evil editing skills of mnet!
Seriously how on earth do you expect all 101 trainees to gain the same amount of screentime in a 1 hour time slot?
And of course they have to create drama, so they take some trainees and edit what they say and their reactions to make them the "I don't take your sh**" kind of trainee... (eg Chanmi who now has a lot of haters because of the show, and also the Cathy girl who used to be in the group DIA)
Man... the only way to actually view all 101 trainees was through the website, and that was the only way to vote for them too, giving international fans a bit of a disadvantage in that area since most of us (not including me) can't read any korean...
And wow... the latest elimination... literally 61 (I believe) trainees were eliminated based on popularity. Some of those trainees definitely deserved to stay, and some did not stand out at all, but it's harsh taking 101 girls and telling them that only 11 of them will actually form the group... So any girls who make friendships can't expect them to last if one is eliminated... ㅠ.ㅠ
Okay so probably on the outside I say "Oh I'm just a fan of K-pop, but I'm not obsessed..." literally though 80% of the songs in my phone are Korean lol
HEY! They aren't all K-pop though ;)
But recently my current favourite rookie group MAMAMOO came back... and OMG I fangirled soo much!!!!
And Koreaboo has this "can we guess which idol is your true love?"
and okay I admit I was hoping for someone from MBLAQ (cough cough, Seungho...) but hey I got TOP from Big Bang!! Ya'll I'd definitely be okay with dating TOP!
But yea my inner fangirl has been going crazy with a bunch of comebacks and releases from some of my favourite artists, plus with the release of these cute quizes how can I stay calm??
Hopefully I'll meet some idols in my dream tonight ;)
Hopefully new years eve treated everyone well, and even if you did not have any big plans (like me) do not worry!
2016 already has 2 new celebrity couples, Hani of EXID and Junsu of JYJ, and Jang Dong Min (comedian) and Navi! Congrats to them. I wish them happiness!
I'm sure most of you are already looking at new years resolutions and adding on to the lists, but in all honesty for me, my new years resolution is to be happy in what I do.
Whether my happiness comes from friends, family, music, tv shows, events, etc. I just hope to not have a year of sadness!
To go along with my new years resolution and yours (I hope) I suggest you listen to this song! Goodbye Sadness, Hello Happiness by Yoon Mi Rae (Tasha)
If you aren't sure; a bias is a favourite member from a group, it's the member you usually buy posters of and often will watch fanvideos of them on youtube!
Well.. Being a fan of kpop for 5 years now... I can definitely say my bias list has grown!
So, without further adieu...
MY ULTIMATE KPOP BIAS LIST!
1. Seungho from MBLAQ
MBLAQ was the very first kpop group I listened to and obsessed over. My bias in the group was and forever will be panda-eyed, one-pack famous Seungho! (Who has so many amazing talents)
Seungho is probably my bias because of MBLAQ's stint on Hello Baby! He was hilarious in taking care of the children and was the one member to not make any of the children upset (surprisingly)
He's also pretty well known for having a one-pack and not being able to form abs xD His Laugh is also very addicting!
He is an amazing dancer and singer though which is another reason why he is one of my ULTIMATE KPOP BIAS
And if you don't know who he is, or if you haven't heard of MBLAQ I suggest you start by watching This Is War MV and then their Hello Baby season... I'm sure you will fall in love with them asap.
Below is a clip of MBLAQ (which is my favourite)
2. Wonder Girl's Sohee!
She has left Wonder Girl's officially to focus on acting but she is still one of my bias! My favourite moment of hers was when she appeared on Running Man!!!!
She slept in the car, helped her team the most, and was proven to be most harsh when she had to insult the other team xD
It's probably a bit unusual for a girl to have another girl as an ultimate bias... but then I'm not the least bit normal so I'd say this is pretty average for me lol
She also has a bit of an evil laugh for a girl (as proven by her appearance on running man)
She also seems to be a bit possessed when she is focused....
3. 2AM's Jo Kwon!!! Kkap Kwonnie <3 <3 saranghae xD
2AM's leader Jo Kwon is known for his outrageous dancing xD I love him for his silliness!
He is theeeeeee Kpop Diva, no one else can compare!
Jo Kwon is crazy, but I love it xD His singing voice is also to die for! You wouldn't expect him to have that voice since he is such a diva on shows and the idea of him singing ballads is strange right?
4. ZE:A's Kwanghee
Kwanghee isn't known for being in an idol group, or for being a talented idol...
Rather he is known for his non-talentedness (is that even a word...) and plastic surgery xD
However I've been a fan of him for years, and I've seen all the shows he's on.
He definitely has talent, a talent to make people laugh and he can actually sing! (just saying)
Actually when he was picked to join Infinity Challenge as a MC I was soo happy for him! He's actually hilarious for me to watch on youtube and I'll get to see him more often because of that!
You have to admit too, that without Kwanghee his member's wouldn't have gotten famous.
He was the first one out of the group to gain popularity and he went on shows promoting the other members and even went as far as revealing he received plastic surgery not long after his debut, and by him revealing that, the group gained notice and Kwanghee became popular for his outspokenness
Kwangheee please release a solo song!!!! I know you can sing!
5. Ft Island's Seunghyun!
For him... I think he's been my bias since Makbanshi (Maknae revolution tv show). It showed that he really cannot dance, which is why it's good that he's in a band xD
The show worked well for introducing him to the public because he was new at that time, so it worked well for publicity.
He worked hard on the show and even dressed as a girl at one point xD
He's the tallest out of the members and he's known for not gaining weight easily (I'm so jealous)
He borrows the other member's boxers and also has abs (girls will like him) xD
His voice is also killer!!!!
That's the end of my ultimate bias list!!! It was actually quite hard narrowing it down to 5 but I figured I would put down the people I've been a fan of since the beginning of my kpop loving life xD
Who are your ultimate bias'???? If you don't know the members I listed I suggest you go and look them up! I'm sure you won't be disappointed!
EXO has decided to grace us EXO-L's with a comeback with a Christmas feel
I recently had the chance to partake in watching the music video and I must say... The feels from Miracles of December (last year) returned ㅠ.ㅠ
Am I alone when I say I prefer listening to their ballads rather than their dance songs???
Though I love their dancing.... so catchy!
Presenting EXO's Sing For You MV!
This comeback brings back feels because it's underlying meaning is about members leaving (as shown through the video how the members slowly disappear one by one).
Kai being the only one left is shown doing a contemporary dance which showcases the emotions through his body, and the vocals in the background add on to the sorrowful feeling.
Kai reminisces about the happier times when they were all together but yet they all slowly begin to leave, leaving him feeling alone and regretful that he couldn't do anything about it.
If you are confused about the space and whale scene. Space is constantly compared to an ocean since it is so vast and huge. The whale is alone in space, which can be compared to the MV the members all are alone.
Overall, the MV reminds us to care for our loved ones while they are with us. The song is about confessing feelings that a person wouldn't normally say to their loved one. The MV is about treasuring our loved ones (family and friends) before they leave. Both the MV and song overlap in feelings of trying to confess feelings before it's too late.
RATING:
1. Acting (is the acting well done?): 10/10
2. Afterfeels (feelings once the MV is over?): 10/10
3. Artistry (is it unique in the concept?): 10/10
4. Choreography (does choreography match the song?): N/A
5. Feel of the MV (how did I feel while watching?): 10/10
6. Feel of the song (what did the song make me feel?): 10/10
7. Filmography (did the filming add to the effect?): 9/10
8. Overall rating (my general rating of the MV right after watching?): 10/10
9. The song itself (are the lyrics meaningful?): 10/10
10. Timing (was the timing of the release smart?): 10/10
Total: 89/90 = 98%
The MV receives a high grade from me! It definitely is worth it. I only deducted marks from filmography due to the reasoning that some of the filming caused me to be a bit confused (so I had to rewatch it) but it honestly didn't take away from the MV that much. In fact, the black and white filming added to the feeling which the MV was emitting.
I did not add any choreography points for obvious reasons haha (so I just took the 10 marks out of the total)
The timing was perfect due to it being Christmas season and so it makes us appreciate our loved ones even more during this special time.
It left me feeling like I should work harder to show my loved ones how much I appreciate them as well and the feels I had during the MV lasted a long time after the MV had finished as well.
The lyrics are incredibly meaningful and I suggest you look at the translation of the lyrics as well as the MV. :)
It also is unique in the concept since not too many groups came out with similar concepts during this time (last group I can remember is The Ark which was a while ago). True, there are groups outside of K-pop who release similar ballads frequently but not too many K-pop groups do that.
That's it for this review!! I hope you feel the same as me and please let me know if you would like me to review any other MV (whether it is older or newer).
CLIP OF THE DAY:
with the EXO and Christmas theme, here are two clips which I love. The first one is their Christmas comeback from last year "Miracles of/in December" and the second one is from their time on A Song For You where their cover of Open Arms made me obsessed with that song
No matter how hard I study I'm constantly failing.
I don't get good grades but I'm understanding concepts.
I am surrounded by people who don't have to study in order to get good grades which brings my confidence down even further.
This year I sacrificed a lot of my time to study and avoided hanging out with friends.
I told my boyfriend I didn't want to see him often because I didn't want to chance getting distracted from my work.
I muted all my group conversations so that I wouldn't receive notifications about messages constantly.
I missed group hangouts and skating sessions because I had to stay in to study.
I posted less on youtube and instagram.
I turned off facebook unless I was asking questions in the facebook group about the content.
I went to TA office hours and professor office hours.
I went to "How to study" sessions my residence held.
I turned off my phone and hid it from myself.
I wore earplugs and studied in complete silence.
I wrote out all my notes because I know that the computer is distracting when studying.
I read all required readings before and after class, then I would pay close attention during class and have tunnel vision when it came to lectures.
I highlighted important things in my textbook and decided to make a separate notebook with those important things.
Despite all my best efforts to study... I failed.
When I have friends who complain about them getting 70s I just stay quiet because I know if they were to find out that I struggle to maintain 50s they would look at me differently.
I feel stupid around my friends who talk all the time about how hard their program is, but then they don't need to study to stay in it.
I see my friends all passing their courses with "satisfactory" grades according to them.
I am constantly told my program is the easiest because it doesn't require math or science and that it should be easiest to get 80s in, yet somehow I'm failing at that.
It's just so frustrating since I'm working like crazy and following all the advice on how to study successfully and it's just not working.
I had an early acceptance into my University because my high school didn't pride itself on grades so maintaining and 80 average there was incredibly easy.
Then I graduate high school and go to University and find I'm behind on absolutely everything because I never had to take AP courses and my level of high school academics was on a scale much lower than my peers'.
I don't know what to do.
Ohmigosh you guys have no idea how busy I've been...
Literally I haven't had a day of rest in like 3 weeks ㅠ.ㅠ
Between studying for midterms, completing assignments, practising, attempting to meet friends, and networking... it is safe to say I'm tired haha
One of the events I planned with a friend is going on tomorrow November 26th from 6:30pm-9pm, it's a nice de-stresser for everyone to attend, and we have all the food ready!
On that note... I am currently hoarding the food in my residence since I live the closest, and I must say it is hard not snacking on them... (especially the Korean snacks).
I attempted to start writing for an online magazine earlier this year where I would basically write about K-pop or Kdramas.... But what they didn't mention is that there is a lot of stuff I can't write about, and that they need to approve what I'm writing beforehand if it's about an event or something.... -_-
I knew I would quit sooner or later because my articles never seemed to gain the exposure I had first intended and I was told the reason was that I didn't interact with my audience. Truth be told, interacting with audience is something which shouldn't be done a lot in online articles as they usually go to read reviews about stuff they aren't sure about.
I was told I should've promoted my own articles more on my social media, and that for me was clarification that it wasn't going to work out. I started writing separate from my social media so that I could make a name for myself from scratch, and also introduce myself as a serious article writer. I told no one that I was writing for a magazine because if word got out then eventually some people would read it because "I" wrote it, not for the content itself.
I have amazing fans and friends who like all my instagram pictures, who watch all my youtube videos, etc. and I love them for that, but when it comes to writing I would've rather people read it because they were interested or curious in the topic I was writing about, not just because "I" wrote it.
This is a longer entry I know haha but I wanted to make up for my lack of posts and busyness lately!
I'll probably keep writing and such, but instead of posting it on the online magazine I will post here because it is something I enjoy to do, so I hope that when you read my articles you read them because they are interesting, or because you are curious.
Clip of the Day: You guys know my obsession (sorta) with Korean tv Shows? well there is this show called "Oh My Baby" 오마이베이비 on SBS and there is this one child 주안 who is the cutest thing ever!
so much for posting everyday lmao xD
Sorry bout that peeps, but I've been soo busy
I had a kpop contest show on friday, then saturday I held a halloween party
I met some super talented people at the kpop contest and I'm hopefully going to be able to visit them in the future for hangouts
We all went out for kbbq after the contest and ate soo much, but it was only $16 for endless amounts of food!
Then I got back to my res around 12:30am and I started prepping for my halloween party ><
The "official" party didn't start until 10pm but we started early because people started to show up!
What I realized while I was there tho... lol I was the only white person... Not that I mind but it seemed as if they all forgot about my ethnicity lmao I guess when you speak Korean it counts you as being part Asian (according to them)
I did not drink a lot lol I wanted to make sure everyone got back safe so I decided to be the sober one out of my suite xD
I think the most amount of people we had was about 10-12, and the funny thing is that they were all either Engineers, or Computer Science... lmao then there was me, the linguistics, east asian studies, and immigrant studies person!
lol I bonded with some of the Koreans and Chinese peeps there over korean music, and I made some new friends who definitely cannot hold alcohol very well lmao
At least I will remember what happened that night xD
Oh btw I was Anna from Frozen, and my one suitemate was Olaf from Frozen xD
Whew! 1 midterm down, only 2 more to go ㅠ.ㅠ yeayayayayay its almost over
My midterms tomorrow are 2-3pm and 6-7pm then afterwards I needa practice
I've got an 8 page essay due on monday at 5 too but that should be good I'll be working on it all night sunday and all day sunday!
Lets go astronomy and linguistics!
An all-nighter isn't too hard :P just give me coffee snacks and coffee!
Clip of the Day: favourite youtube channel buzzfeed!!!
So if any one reading has friends of different ethnicities, can tell me if it's normal for that person of the different ethnicity to not have a full conversation with you when they are with people who have the same ethnicity as them ?? I mean I have a couple friends who say hi, but then that is literally it, and if I go to continue the conversation they seem to watch their friends' reactions ..
omg that is strange
but I'm sure they do not mean to be rude but it feels like I'm being excluded because I'm not a certain ethnicity, and honestly I do not care that much but it makes me question: O
Clip of the day; from Kpop star season 2! Raccoon boys!!!
